A Year In Review

Below is a special post commemorating one year since leaving home. It also happens to be the 99th post on this site. Tomorrow I will publish a very special (and more upbeat) 100th post.

One year ago today I said goodbye to friends and family and departed for my Peace Corps service. The application process had lasted one year and five months giving me ample time to evaluate my reasons for going. A year later I think it is appropriate to evaluate the experience, analyzing the fulfillment and un-fulfillment of the reasons I came and the unintended consequences of this journey.

I came here to serve my God, by providing a service to the poor.

I believe this to be my greatest failure and darkest aspect of my Peace Corps service. Spending a year in Africa has only left me questioning whether or not my Peace Corps service has any benefit to the poor. I make small positive steps along the way by participating in small projects and promoting new ideas that are good for society, but simultaneously I am contributing to the welfare state Africa has become. It will forever haunt me that I cannot definitively say whether my time here was part of the problem or part of the solution for Africa. Grade: FAILURE

I came here to serve my country, by dedicating two years of my life to public service.

I still believe in public service, and hope it will play a part in my future. One very frustrating aspect of my Peace Corps service is that I do not believe the Peace Corps has done an acceptable job of finding places for Volunteers to conduct meaningful service. This was made more frustrating by the fact that congress wants to double the size of the Peace Corps. Why do they want to double the size of an organization that already struggles to find meaningful assignments for its volunteers? The answer is because we are cheap diplomacy. This experience would be so much more rewarding if congress cut the size of Peace Corps in half, but ensured that more effort was put into making the service meaningful. Instead my government has chosen quantity over quality, wasting my time and skills so that they can claim to be increasing the size of very popular program. The “leaders” of my country have undermined the very purpose of the Peace Corps to make themselves look good. Grade: D

I came here to take back control of my career, by broadening my experience and stepping outside the influence of my former employer.

Here is where I believe I have had my greatest success. I do not know what the future holds for me from a career perspective. I have ideas of course, but nothing is determined. I’ve gained experience that will influence my life in immeasurable ways. I’ve gained a resume item that may open unexpected doors. I’ve stepped out of the shadow of my pathetic college transcripts. Most importantly I’ve stepped out of the passenger seat and started steering my career myself. Does this guarantee better driving or the desired destination? No it doesn’t, it does ensure that I’ll determine the route myself. Grade: A+

I came here to give myself new perspectives on what I wanted out of life; I did so with the hope of evoking a change in myself.

This experience has done much more to underscore the point that I don’t know what I want out of life. After years of frustration and belief that my job in America was meaningless, I came here with the intention of doing something worthwhile and found myself in an even more meaningless existence. All I’ve really done is further separated myself from people I loved and made myself more cynical. I can say that being here has had the positive effect of showing me what I don’t want out of life. I do not want to work in “development.” The only real “development” is education. Next time I’m feeling altruistic about my career and want to throw hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain, I’ll teach. Grade: C

So I’m averaging pretty poor on fulfilling my reasons for coming here. But by far the most rewarding part of being here are the unintended consequences…

I’ve lost 20 lbs.

I’ve read 26 books.

I’ve gained insight on how much my company actually appreciated me.

I’ve fostered a new appreciation for the US by exposing myself to an even less sustainable system.

I’ve met a girl with an extremely high tolerance for my personality.

And I’ve made friends I hope to know for the rest of my life.

The Peace Corps isn’t what I wanted it to be. The two primary reasons I came here have left me empty and bitter. Most days I feel that the right thing to do, and the brave thing to do would be to resign and try to find something worthwhile to do back home; that staying here is the most cowardly thing I’ve done my entire life. But recently, I’ve started to accept that the Peace Corps is what it is. It has lost its shine and its positive connotation in my mind; I think I’ll always be a little embarrassed to say I was in the Peace Corps, but these two years are reshaping my future. I hope 20 years from now to believe it to have been worth it.