Weekend Update: August 29, 2011 (belated)

Sorry about being late, I traveled without my computer this weekend (shocking, I know) and didn't get back until 8:30 at night during a thunderstorm on Sunday.

Highs:

A good meeting Friday with my org, looks like they might be following some of my suggestions, but may just be holding out a carrot to fool me.

Lows:

Biogas outlook looks troublesome, my org just isn't strong enough of an organization to support the kind of project that I want to build. Struggling with isolation in the village.

What I Did:

Worked on biogas design, had a pre term meeting with my org on Friday, and read about 5-10 hours a day.

On the Agenda:

In the office Monday preparing some notes for the upcoming monthly meeting with my org, Tuesday is the monthly meeting, and after the meeting I leave for the All Volunteer Conference at Ridar hotel.

What I'm Reading:

Finished Larson's The Girl Who Played With Fire and read half of The Hobbit by Tolkien. I'm not crazy about The Millennium Trilogy but find them entertaining enough to finish. I'm very disappointed by The Hobbit. I haven't read it in 15 years and don't remember it being written as a children's book. The style is very similar to C.S. Lewis, with narration addressing the reader like a child. Still I wanted to brush up on it before the movies are released. I hope to finish it before the All Vol Conference.

Ugandan Annoyance of the Week:

Ugandans give all the power to the salesmen, and don't seize any powers as consumers. I was in the taxi park yesterday trying to get a Mutatu to drop me off in my village. A mini bus to Masaka costs 10,000 shillings and car to my village costs 3000 from there. A bus to Mbarara (100k past my site) is 15,000 shillings and will stop at my village if I pay full price. A Mutatu going to Lyantonde (40 k past my site on the way to Mbarara) was running for 20,000 shillings and the Ugandans were paying it, and they wanted me to pay 20,000 to get dropped off at my village. The trend of driver's being in charge, not the riders is just one illustration that this country isn't ready to develop, the people aren't willing to stand up to any entrenched interest.

My Journal

Prior to departure my Aunt Cathy, who babysat me as an infant and has always been one of the closest members of my extended family, gave me a journal to write in while I was here. She wrote a personal note in it and passed the journal around so that others could made an entry as well.

I never read it. I didn't need it yet and don't enjoy reading about myself. Most of all I knew a day would come when I did need it. That day was today.

Those who keep track of the blog know I've been struggling lately. I wouldn't call it homesickness, because I don't feel that I've ever had a home during my adult life. But I miss people, specific people I love as well as random easily replaceable people. It's been almost two weeks since I've had a face to face conversation with anyone. If I could talk to a random fool in an airport bar about college football for hour it would make my day, week, possibly month.

I've been reluctant to read the journal because the people who wrote it in believed I was doing something good and worthwhile, and I now know that whether what I am doing is good or worthwhile is a question great philosophers would struggle to answer definitively. Regardless, as I said, I needed something today, and it was on my shelf.

I blog too much, so most people have probably given up trying to keep up, but thank you to everybody back home, you all got me through the day. (just 400 or so more to go) I miss you all, whether we used to talk an hour a week on the phone or 5 minutes after church a few times a year.

Weekend Update: August 21, 2011

Highs:

Saturday night at the casino. The comment Justin left of my Facebook Sunday morning. Talking with my parents Saturday night. Best Rolex in the World at Nile River Explorers in Jinja, Onion, French Fries, Curry, and Avocado.

Lows:

No power most of the week. No human conversation from Sunday to Saturday.

What I Did:

Read 2 books and got down and dirty with the biogas design. Unfortunately I'm running into some snags. I think I might go into Masaka today pick up some supplies and do a more detailed post in my Biogas or Bust series.

What Is On The Agenda:

Students are returning to the school today. That doesn't mean a whole lot as far as my work but means some people from my org might stop by. If they do then I'd like to lay out a couple project ideas, schedule a sit down with them evaluating ideas concerning biogas, and put together a general plan for the next 2 months.

What I'm Reading:

Finished Stephen King's The Gunslinger and George Orwell's 1984. The Gunslinger was really just a setup for the Dark Tower series, 1984 was depressing but I'm glad to be getting back into the habit of knocking down some literature every now and then. I'd like to average one book a week the final year I am here.

I've started 3 books since finishing 1984 and expect to start one more today if I got to Masaka and the wifi is working.

I had intended to go right through Machiavelli's The Prince, but am finding it is a tough read if you aren't familiar with 15th century European history and politics.

In desperation I figured the next Chronicles of Narnia book would be a fast and painless read so I opened it up and knocked out a chapter. Unfortunately I'm just not motivated to get through this series. This will be the first time I finish a book before the movie comes out.

I then picked up and started reading Michael Maren's The Road To Hell, Michael Maren is a former Peace Corps Kenya Volunteer who has since worked in international aid and has cataloged the unintended and devastating consequences of aid. In the opening chapter he remarks how his village bribed a Government official to get a Peace Corps Volunteer, used him to raise funding at the school, and then the savvy local politicians and business men took the bricks and supplies to build themselves bigger houses. His experience mirrors my own too closely. I really feel I need to accomplish something in Africa before I read his book or I might just give up.

Finally I resolved I wanted a medium length page turner so today I plan to go into Masaka and download Stieg Larson's The Girl Who Played With Fire. I read the first book in the trilogy about 6-7 months ago and am ready to revisit it. Hopefully I'll finish this and maybe another book this week at site.

Weekend Update: August 13, 2011

Highs:

Meeting with the new country director at ROCO training center, Jinja with Jenny, the double blackjack at Nile River Casino, receiving a care package from "Queen Mum" Mama Haig and a trip to Kayunga to try and put the finishing touches on the basketball court project Rebecca and I have been working on.

Also really enjoyed the blog posts I was able to do this week. Some people saw the year in review post as a real downer, but I think it is important to present all sides of this experience. Finishing that post on a strong note and putting together my 100 great memories post really put into perspective how amazing an experience this is.

Lows:

Had a grumpy spell earlier in the week that make me bad company, once I got past that the week has been good.

What I Did:

Basketball Court project in Kayunga, biogas design, worked in my orgs office and reviewed a request for proposal and started brainstorming for a project we might be able to run, and met with the new country director to address stale policy issues arising from the change in administration that has been going on for the last 6 months.

What Is On The Agenda:

Meeting with my org to brainstorm and put together a proposal for a program. I don't like the idea of helping my org win financial awards, but would like to see if I can help them develop a program worth of funding.

Continuing design of my biogas digester.

Launching a Wat San promotion program in my community by marketing chlorine tablets at local storefronts.

Preparing for the vocational school to resume a new term.

What Am I Reading:

Finished The Shining by Stephen King, now on to The Gunslinger, the first installment of his masterpiece 30 year anthology, Dark Tower.

Ugandan Frustration of the Week:

When trying to brainstorm with Grace about how to structure our proposed program I asked her what she thinks we should do. She responded, "go to the people." I then asked, and then what will we do with the people. She responded, "we will help them." I asked how specifically we would help them, to which she responded, "we will mobilize them." I then informed Grace that if she said one more buzz word I was walking out of the office and starting my weekend.

100 Posts, 100 Great Memories

I apologize for the blog being a bit of a downer lately. Noticing this myself, I resolved to think of 100 great memories from this past year for my 100th post. I thought this might be overambitious as writing lists often starts out quick and then fizzes out about 25% of the way through. What is amazing is how quickly this list came together. Less than 24 hours went into it and I don't think I ever sat at my computer for more than 2 minutes between thinking of a memory to include. By the end I was having to edit memories out. Particularly notable memories are in bold.

1.Sharing a cab from the airport with Kendall and Rebecca.

2. Saved By The Bell freeze frames and rewinds in our staging group skits.

3. Staying up all night in Philly with members of the training group so we would be able to sleep on the plane.

4. My first taste of Matoke.

5. Playing soccer against village kids in Lweza.

6. Christy Prouty, refusing to go near the long horned cow on one side of the soccer field.

7. Falling in love with tea time.

8. My rocking language group, Drew Rountree, Rebecca Workman, “Uncle” Gary Goodman, and Ven Kitone.

9. Jenny guessing my birthday.

10. Bryce introducing me to Rolex.

11. Trivia nights in training.

12. Skyping with my Mom’s class for World Wise Schools.

13. My first slice of pizza from the I Love NY Kitchen.

14. Finishing my first of 26 books, Catch-22.

15. Introducing people to How I Met Your Mother

16. Matt Boddie telling me I should run for VAC.

17. Cooking day in training.

18. Romi Pineapple Wine

19. Being the first member of our group to drink the Wargi from a bag.

20. Discovering the Simba Casino and the complimentary Jack Daniels.

21. Moving onto Iguana Dance Club afterwards.

22. The story Matt Boddie told us the next morning.

23. The silent dance party.

24. The QA session with Christy and Michaela.

25. Nick Duncan going double or nothing in roulette.

26. Singing Glee songs with Nick Duncan in the streets of Kampala.

27. Nick Duncan making Bloody Marys the next morning.

28. The Tien Game.

29. Blatantly breaking the dress code the last 3 weeks of training.

30. The Jenny / Amanda Dynamic.

31. Having to shout over the rain as I delivered my VAC campaign speech.

32. Nick Duncan riding my coat tails.

33. The end of training talent show, especially “2 Malayas in a Bar.”

34. Jason Gauthier’s chicken impression at the Homestay Thank You Celebration.

35. Passing my Language Proficiency Examination.

36. Chilling on the couch with Naz at Ted Mooney’s house.

37. Waffles at Ridar Hotel.

38. Christy Prouty saying, “and by that I mean, forged.”

39. Nick Duncan delivering the speech from Independence Day at swear in.

40. Our group swearing in 45 of 45 volunteers.

41. Being awarded the “most likely to be the next person in a relationship” superlative.

42. 2 hours later it kind of being accurate.

43. Reading by candlelight.

44. The Frickadellen Café.

45. Building a fort so I could watch the Clemson vs FSU game all night in the hotel room without disturbing others.

46. Jenny’s reaction to the fort.

47. Waking up to strange goat sounds at 6 AM.

48. The unexpected deposit in my US bank account.

49. Spending Thanksgiving with people I loved, even if it was thousands of miles from home.

50. Rum & Passion Fruit Juice on the beach while trying to get Jenny to come back to Entebbe.

51. Singing Billionaire on the dance floor at Night Ridaz.

52. The midnight sausage rolls in Entebbe.

53. Lotus Mexican Restaurant before heading back to site.

54. Rebecca in the alley at Centenary Park.

55. Amanda and Michaela’s kitten story.

56. Friends coming to my village for Christmas.

57. Christmas music, decorations, and movies.

58. The Chaco Incident

59. Yatzee.

60. The Christmas Meatloaf

61. Beer Pong on my 7 foot kitchen counter.

62. The scrabble weekend.

63. Receiving my Kindle in the mail.

64. The Gambler @ the comedy club.

65. Nick Duncan’s set at the comedy club.

66. After the comedy club.

67. Trying to throw Jenny in the pool at IST.

68. Hanging out in the sauna, drunk, with Cormac.

69. Drew & Nick’s misguided attempts to help me at IST.

70. The Booze Cruise.

71. Matt Boddie barely making the bus at Nile River Explorers.

72. Team Sh*tshow on the Nile River.

73. Titanic 2.

74. City Top Restaurant.

75. FoPo Fo Sho.

76. The Toothbrush Incident.

77. Sneaking away to the beach with Drew & Nick during the GAD meeting.

78. Receiving a care package from friends at my old company.

79. Peace Corps 50^th Anniversary Party in Lweza.

80. Building a basketball court with Rebecca.

81. Chicken Mole at Anna’s Easter Weekend.

82. Helping Nick Duncan kill a pig.

83. Eating the pig.

84. Sneaking away to Jinja.

85. The espresso milkshake.

86. Meeting Jenny’s sisters.

87. 14 People in a Toyota Corolla.

88. AWOL Safari in Queen Elizabeth National Park.

89. Josh Mask Day.

90. The ridiculous clothing market in Kasese.

91. Launching the Bridge Committee.

92. My 8 mile morning run at Malaria training.

93. Sesse Island.

94. Seeing Harry Potter 7 part 2 in the theater.

95. Throwing out Matt Boddie at first base during the JICA Baseball weekend.

96. Tien giving me a 4000 shilling chocolate bar for no reason at all.

97. Telling my Mom on Skype that Jenny and I would be stopping by Carolina for a few days around Christmas time.

98. Measuring the cow dung and beginning design of my Biogas Digester.

99. Finally accepting that Peace Corps is what it is, even if it isn’t what I wanted it to be.

100. One year later… still 45 volunteers.

A Year In Review

Below is a special post commemorating one year since leaving home. It also happens to be the 99th post on this site. Tomorrow I will publish a very special (and more upbeat) 100th post.

One year ago today I said goodbye to friends and family and departed for my Peace Corps service. The application process had lasted one year and five months giving me ample time to evaluate my reasons for going. A year later I think it is appropriate to evaluate the experience, analyzing the fulfillment and un-fulfillment of the reasons I came and the unintended consequences of this journey.

I came here to serve my God, by providing a service to the poor.

I believe this to be my greatest failure and darkest aspect of my Peace Corps service. Spending a year in Africa has only left me questioning whether or not my Peace Corps service has any benefit to the poor. I make small positive steps along the way by participating in small projects and promoting new ideas that are good for society, but simultaneously I am contributing to the welfare state Africa has become. It will forever haunt me that I cannot definitively say whether my time here was part of the problem or part of the solution for Africa. Grade: FAILURE

I came here to serve my country, by dedicating two years of my life to public service.

I still believe in public service, and hope it will play a part in my future. One very frustrating aspect of my Peace Corps service is that I do not believe the Peace Corps has done an acceptable job of finding places for Volunteers to conduct meaningful service. This was made more frustrating by the fact that congress wants to double the size of the Peace Corps. Why do they want to double the size of an organization that already struggles to find meaningful assignments for its volunteers? The answer is because we are cheap diplomacy. This experience would be so much more rewarding if congress cut the size of Peace Corps in half, but ensured that more effort was put into making the service meaningful. Instead my government has chosen quantity over quality, wasting my time and skills so that they can claim to be increasing the size of very popular program. The “leaders” of my country have undermined the very purpose of the Peace Corps to make themselves look good. Grade: D

I came here to take back control of my career, by broadening my experience and stepping outside the influence of my former employer.

Here is where I believe I have had my greatest success. I do not know what the future holds for me from a career perspective. I have ideas of course, but nothing is determined. I’ve gained experience that will influence my life in immeasurable ways. I’ve gained a resume item that may open unexpected doors. I’ve stepped out of the shadow of my pathetic college transcripts. Most importantly I’ve stepped out of the passenger seat and started steering my career myself. Does this guarantee better driving or the desired destination? No it doesn’t, it does ensure that I’ll determine the route myself. Grade: A+

I came here to give myself new perspectives on what I wanted out of life; I did so with the hope of evoking a change in myself.

This experience has done much more to underscore the point that I don’t know what I want out of life. After years of frustration and belief that my job in America was meaningless, I came here with the intention of doing something worthwhile and found myself in an even more meaningless existence. All I’ve really done is further separated myself from people I loved and made myself more cynical. I can say that being here has had the positive effect of showing me what I don’t want out of life. I do not want to work in “development.” The only real “development” is education. Next time I’m feeling altruistic about my career and want to throw hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain, I’ll teach. Grade: C

So I’m averaging pretty poor on fulfilling my reasons for coming here. But by far the most rewarding part of being here are the unintended consequences…

I’ve lost 20 lbs.

I’ve read 26 books.

I’ve gained insight on how much my company actually appreciated me.

I’ve fostered a new appreciation for the US by exposing myself to an even less sustainable system.

I’ve met a girl with an extremely high tolerance for my personality.

And I’ve made friends I hope to know for the rest of my life.

The Peace Corps isn’t what I wanted it to be. The two primary reasons I came here have left me empty and bitter. Most days I feel that the right thing to do, and the brave thing to do would be to resign and try to find something worthwhile to do back home; that staying here is the most cowardly thing I’ve done my entire life. But recently, I’ve started to accept that the Peace Corps is what it is. It has lost its shine and its positive connotation in my mind; I think I’ll always be a little embarrassed to say I was in the Peace Corps, but these two years are reshaping my future. I hope 20 years from now to believe it to have been worth it.

Funny Video and a Promo

Goal 2

Peace Corps has 3 goals:

The First is to provide our host country with skilled persons to help transfer skills and knowledge to the host country residents. The second goal is to provide a better understanding of Americans on the part of the host country residents. The third is to provide a better understanding of the host and its residents to Americans back at home. Check out this video of what we might call a "goal 2 activity."

Shameless Plug

A new blog has been started up by a friend of mine and I want to plug it. It now appears on menu of my friends' blogs but want to specifically tell you to keep your eyes out for...

Pooping Outside the Box

The second entry took place in my pit latrine, and I almost fell out of bed when I was told what had occurred. It was a Christmas miracle!!!

Weekend Update: August 7, 2011

Highs:

Got an email back from a water purification tablet manufacturer Tuesday telling me they had an organization in Uganda that I could pick up some promotional materials from. Wednesday I was able to head to the office and pick up some promotional materials.

Becca invited me to come up and check out / consult for the basketball court next week.

Lows:

Just not in a good place right now. I'm coming up on one year here, and the thought of another year plus just seems insurmountable. Too much time alone with my mind. See sanity meter.

What I Did:

I spent Friday in my organizations office, and dropped off a proposal for mud stoves that my supervisor shouted at me for never making for her. I had researched mud stoves several months ago and then hadn't seen my supervisor for about a month and she had never mentioned mud stoves again. Apparently she has been waiting for a written report. I've been waiting for my organization express any sincere interest in doing anything. I imagine when she sees my report isn't going to seek any funding for my organization to build this mud stove she will lose interest.

What Is On The Agenda:

Helping Becca with the basketball court, doing some detailed design on Biogas and trying to put together a presentation of different options my organization can pursue. Possibly meeting the new CD in Kampala late in the week to talk about stale policy decisions as a result of the last administrations early exit.

My org is also meeting with parents next week in preparation for the next term. I'd like to exert some influence on them and get them to be a bit more proactive with recruitment and collection of meal fees.

Sanity Meter:

This heading was originally intended to be kind of a joke. Little kids calling me muzungu and harassing me can make me feel insane at times, hence the name was born. Lately it is taking on another meaning. I have an active mind. I debate decisions with myself. When I know I will be having a conversation with someone, I spend hours thinking of every possible answer that person will come back with and what my response will be. I consider outcomes, fringe impacts, and solutions to every problem. When I actually have things to do, I have less time to do this stuff. When I have 15 awake hours a day and only 2 legit work hours, this crap tends to fill in the voids. Point being I literally feel like I am losing my mind, a bit. I regularly go days without any intelligent conversation, sometimes weeks if I stay in my village through a weekend. The lack of human interaction is weighing on me.

What I'm Reading:

Will finish the Shining by Stephen King in the next 48 hours, putting me at 26 books in 1 year. You may have picked up on the fact that a book about going crazy from isolation might not be the best choice for Peace Corps Volunteer in a remote village. Trust me the irony has not been lost on myself.

Biogas or Bust - Chapter 2

The other week I had the opportunity to weigh the cow dung produced in a single night at my site. It is a major milestone in my planned project of building a biogas digester at my site. It took a while to get to this point but have now finally been able to start work on design. After about 6 bags of this crap we came to a final measurement of about 338 kg. This would put us at about a 17 cubic meter digester tank. My initial calculations of the gas cap required suggest it would weigh over 900 lbs. This greatly destroys the feasibility of my proposed design in that it would have to be manually lifted into place. Even if this were possible I'm not confident in my ability to design a steel vessel with the kind of accurarcy needed for a potentially dangerous piece of equipment. Most of the problem surrounding my design came from the choice of a water jacket for the digester. This week I'm going to start doing some markups where I suggest designs without a water jacket, and where I suggest building a series of biogas digesters each with a capacity for 100 kg of loading per day. Hopefully by the end of the month I can have my proposed design complete and start working on fundraising / grant writing.

And Just For Nostalgia...

Weekend Update: July 31, 2011

Highs:

Measured cow dung for my org's biogas digester (detailed post to follow). Attended a Peace Corps vs JICA (Japanese equivalent of Peace Corps) softball weekend. Purchased plane tickets for Christmas in the States.

Lows:

I got in a screaming match with Grace and called my organizations "work plan" toilet paper.

What I Did:

Measured poop for my biogas digester, conducted my kickoff weekly lifeskills class, and submitted our schools first monthly report to my organization. I then proceeded to call my organization's workplan 'toilet paper' at our monthly meeting.

What Is On The Agenda:

Weekly life skills, some action items from the monthly meeting, doing some VAC related tasks, continuing to measure poop / design the biogas digester. Pursuing the idea of starting some Village Savings & Loan activities.

Sanity Meter:

Variable. Which appears to be the case for the foreseeable future.

What I'm Reading:

Finished the 5 Love Languages and Devil in the White City.

Devil in the White City was a good read if you like non fiction, The 5 Love Languages was informative, and weird, reminded me of those personality tests you took in college that seemed to know your personality better than you knew yourself. I think I'm going to have to read the revised edition for singles though since most of the book is written in the context of marriage.

Currently reading Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas even though I love the writing I am about sick of the content. The book has mostly been an extended drug trip. Never having had interest in drugs or drug culture I can't really get that into it.